Weight I have lost

Monday, April 27, 2009

When good intentions go bad...

Porter on Friday night waiting for me to get home

So, Saturday I got up at 7. Very unusual. I got dressed, got the pups ready and we went out for a warm-up/poop break. Dropped Porter off, and Guinness and I went for a 2 mile run. We went through the hood, rather than the subdivision because I didn't feel like doing hills. Guinness was fine with that. The run was just there. I really didn't feel like running, but my weight is out of control, so at least running let's me maintain the weight.

Guinness and I got home, and I got ready to go get my haircut. Guinness has taken to taking a shower with me in the morning. I think she thinks it'll annoy me. Rather, I go and get my camera and take pics of her.
Guinness in the shower

So I got my haircut. Catherine my stylist thinks my hair is damaged. How does someone who gets her hair cut every 7 weeks have split ends. Also, dry, dry, dry. She told me I must start using conditioner, and when did I stop using it...um like 5 years ago.

So with that I went to PetSmart. I bought the dogs some food, a muzzle, and hot pink poop bags. Now I know D would love hot pink...the reason I bought them is I have a habit of taking the grey ones and putting them in my pocket and then leaving them around the house. Since our house is neutral they don't stand out, and at any given time, you can find at least 5 around if you search hard enough. The hot pink is to cut down on the search. And finally I bought some clippers. D and I had decided to start saving money and shave Porter ourselves. Now D shaves his own head, so he has human clippers and these plastic things (guards) and some other things.
All I know is the clippers don't work on my legs, so I don't use them.

So I got home and showed Porter all the new items I bought. I thought it would take an hour to shave her, so I gave Guinness a Benadryl, because I was going to brush her after Porter's shave. 4 hours later I have a living room completely covered in hair and a pooch who is hiding underneath the kitchen table. I sent D a text apologizing. He asked about the guard. I asked what a guard was. He asked the length of the blade...I said what came with the clippers. All these answers to questions I didn't know to ask.

Mom, what did you do to me?

So now I need a 7 blade and some guards for my 10 blade.

Live and learn.

Porter did finally give me a kiss last night. She is no Sexy Bitch...more like a Clown.
Thank God she isn't a child because child services would be ringing the bell.

But I have to wait awhile. Too much skin is showing, so she might get burned if going outside. My poor baby. Waiting for the hair to grow back!


Robin said...

OMG Al. I don't mean to laugh at poor little Porter, but I genuinely cannot stop because of the picture of her with a big bushy head and tail and a bald body. OMG.

At least she won't be hot, right?

<---still laughing, but trying hard to stop

mommie2lea said...

Holy Cow... I mean Lion... I mean Porter!! You really showed some circus artistry there!

Seriously, I am cracking up. Thank goodness it will grow back!

paige said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
paige said...

The picture of Guinness in the shower is so stinking cute!!

She was totally upstaged by Porter though. Were you going for a poodle do?? If so you did a right fine job LMAO

I'll have to send Moe to you, in a pinch.

Tammy said...

Love the caption!

AKA Alice said...

OMG...I know NOTHING about cutting hair on a dog...that is soooo something I would do. I just love the expression on Porter's face....like WTF mom!

I don't mean to laugh either...but that is funny...in the sad, OMFG, funny sort of way.

It'll grow back.

Viper said...

Oooh, your poor abused dog. At least you won't have to shave Porter again for a while.

Missy said...

HOLY SHIT, that is effen hilarious, I'm dying over here! LOL (truly), glad I didn't have a drink in my mouth.

Poor little buddy. Just put sunscreen on him, it's all good.

COTY said...

Im rolling off my chair reading this :o).
Best thing about hair it
grows back !
hehe you made my day
Yes I agree he might need some sunscreen

SeeGirlRun said...

O.M.G. Put the clippers down and back away! That poor puppy! Hand over your dog groomer card right now and I'm calling PETA! ROFLMAO!!