So if you have seen me in the past 8 months, you probably noticed something. I gained weight. I plateaued out in July. But then something happened in my head and I went on a rapid 20 pound gain (it took 6 weeks). I didn't gain back the 35 pounds I lost and kept off for 5 years, but I came really close.
As I was running yesterday morning and driving home yesterday afternoon, I thought about the reasons. Except for that I was burnt out on running (training for a marathon will do that), I didn't have a reason. I wasn't more depressed than usual. I didn't hate anything more than usual. In fact, I had fun.
The more I thought about the "WHY," the happier I got. I thought about the football tailgates where I wasn't going "Oh, I can't eat that," or "How many calories is that?" or "Let me limit myself, although I really am hungry and I really do want more." It was carefree. It was a blast. Onion dip as an appetizer for breakfast is delicious. Cheese and sour cream on chili is the best way to eat it. Homemade Pretzels and Sausages are great at Oktoberfest (not just one or the other). I thought about going to bars with D and trying new beers and badges (Damn you, UNTAPPD!). There was usually 1-2 times a day when I fat-shamed myself (getting out of the shower or stepping on the scale), but overall, it was the most freeing 8 months that I've had in 15 years. I got hamburgers instead of grilled chicken salad; I had nachos for dinner; Philly cheesesteaks with more than 4 potato chips; soup instead of salad during a dinner out. Probably only 4 times (2 times being holidays) did I eat myself to the point of feeling sick.
I also thought about the thin people I see at work. They tend not to think about food. They eat like rabbits. It isn't their focus. Then I thought about the people I work with. We talk about food all the time. 4 members of my 11 people group belong to cooking clubs. We share recipes. We actually get joy talking about bacon and how we want to try bacon jam.
So back to reality...my pants don't fit all that well. My shirts don't fit all that well. I had a great 8 months. But now it is back to reality. We are still going to eat. But we are going to start eating more at home. When we do eat out, back to splitting dishes. Back to chili and dates at home. Yes, I can have dip at home, and a hamburger at home. But I probably shouldn't do it all on the same day. But you know I'll have a beer or 4 with that dip. Let's be realistic!