Weight I have lost

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Porter and Pearl Jam

For Porter (10/01/2001-11/06/2009)

D and I thought our baby was getting better and then she took a turn for the worse. On Thursday we took her to the vet, and Friday we had to make that awful decision.

I'm having a bit of a hard time. But each day I push forward.

So in my effort to regain some normalcy, D and I went lifting last night. He said he had a song to play me, of course Pearl Jam was playing. I told him I heard a song by them about a month ago. Then we got to the gym and did the exciting machines.

We talked about how people don't understand that Porter wasn't just a dog. I mean who else volunteers to be Santa at the Humane Society so his dog won't be afraid of him for Pictures with Santa (and yes, she was stupid, and was scared). She got to go to the beach twice, to Maryland, and South Carolina. She got tested for daycare and got in, and I used to watch her on the pet cam. She managed to get 2 dogs kicked out for their behavior. She spent many spring and summer days at Twain's (bar) on the patio sipping ice cubes and a little beer. Frosty Paws were her friend. So was every mud pit she could find or make.

Pumpkin Porter 10/04

Ballerina Porter 10/05

Porter's 6th Birthday Cake (Guinness ate part of it) 10/07

D, Porter and Guinness 12/07

Me, Porter and D sailing 7/08

Porter Sailing 7/08

Porter, November 08

What did Mom do to me, 4/09

Beach Porter 7/09

Ocean Porter, 7/09

Do, do, do looking out my front door! 9/09

Last picture of Porter 11/01/09

Back in the car Doug turned on the song. I of course cried because I had thought about this song on Thursday. I dared not mention it to him though because the one time I heard it, I thought about putting it on my death CD (CD of songs to play when I'm dead...yes, I'm morose).

So we listened to the song on the way home.

Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh...
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh...
I'm a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love...

Some folks just have one
Others they got none, aw huh...

Stay with me
Let's just breathe

Practiced are my sins
Never gonna let me win, aw huh...
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh...
Yea, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me bleed

Stay with me
You're all I see

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean

I wonder everything
As I look upon your face, aw huh...
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh...
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me 'till I die
Meet you on the other side

Just Breathe by Pearl Jam

We miss you Porter Girl!


Jen said...

People who don't have dogs just don't understand that they are a part of the family and have such human characteristics. I had one foster dog for just 6 months before he passed away and I cried like a baby. In that time he had touched my heart. Dogs bring such joy to our lives and it is so sad that their time here is so short. Hope things get better for you soon.

GeorgiaSnail said...

I am terribly sorry to hear about you having to make one of the toughest choices a dog owner ever has to make. Porter is in a better place and judging by all of teh awesome photo's Porter was loved deeply! I do not look forward to the day that I have to make that call; you are in my thoughts and prayers.

RockstarTri said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Missy said...

SHEIT, I hate it. We just had to put Kasha down a few weeks ago too. I totally get it, family member. It's hard for a while b/c you just keep looking for them or hearing them or expecting to see their little face. Sweet babies. I'm so sorry. Porter had the best life evah. You can be sure of that.

Carly said...

I am so sorry Alb. That is one of the toughest decisions to every make. They are never "just a dog" and I hate when people say that. They are members of your family.

We had to make that decision last year and I still miss my pooch. It just sucks all around. (hugs)

Tammy said...

If reading your blog today was enough to make me cry, I can only begin to imagine the pain you are going through.

To say that I am sorry for your loss just doesn't seem like enough. Porter was so lucky to have such great parents.

The CilleyGirl said...

Oh, I am so so sorry for your loss. I spent Tuesday night and almost all of Wednesday thinking I was going to have to make the same decision for my dog (if Porter were all tan, they could be sisters). Knock on wood, she seems to be getting better and while I know I will have to make that decision sooner rather than later (she's 13) at least it wasn't within a 24 hour period. Half the people I talked to were "it's just a dog" while the other half were "so you're going to just kill your dog?" They just do not understand.

Carolina John said...

so sorry for the loss, Al. We lost our family dog of 15 years just a few months ago. at least he was deeply loved.

Mel said...

So sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a companion. They are like children and members of the family. Just keep thinking of all the special times.

Tricia said...

so sorry for your loss.

Becca Runs Sometimes said...

Real sorry to hear about this. Thanks for sharing your pictures (so adorable). It looks like you all shared some pretty fun memories and a good life together.